The boy who never wore hats loved me

 (Sorry the title has no relevancy to the poem besides the fact that it is a true statement)

HOW MUCH DOES HE LOVE ME?         

                           He always tells me He never tells me 

But without fail he says "I love you" 

With the most uniform pattern, 

Morning and night 

While we kiss and after we fight 

When I'm sad and when I'm silent 

I adore those words yet I love you is losing it's luster    

Consistent and persistent to let me know I'm loved 

Too boost my self esteem and reassure me 

He means well, 

But just an "I love you" is pleasing, but it's anything but reassuring 

My question is: To what degree does his "I love you" mean

Sure, he writes poetry about me, but I always have to read it through the barrier of an electronic screen or hear it when he's not looking at me

I guess eye contact is nerve racking when you can't just say you love me 

Does his sensory system erupt like a volcano 

Or has his miles love for me been extinguished ? 

Because sometimes it feels as though I can't make that pitter patter go any faster unless I'm on top of him, his personal Aphrodite

When I'm distracted and not sexually active he sheds his goosebumps 

And forgets to tell me I'm beautiful, no longer comparing me to a goddess of love 

And all we do is watch Tv, then of course he says he loves me 

I am now murky lukewarm bath water, deep purple shin bruises

I am now the color of the moon  

I am now icy December roads 

I am now freezer burnt strawberry ice cream 

So I know that I am heart sick 

There are many manifesting symptoms 

I swallowed too many butterflies and lost my appetite for anything else 

I cough up thoughts of him, just a minor head cold

I can't stop thinking about him, he is plastered to the inside of my skull and pulsing through my veins

His sweet arctic breath on my neck is giving me chills, it's got me trembling in a cold sweat 

His breath may be frigid, but 

He, he was is my fever 

The heat that brings out the best in me, 

But why do I fear the  day he decides to be the doctor and no longer chooses to love me 

Only wanting doctor patient confidentiality 

A friend once asked me "how long do you think you'll be together ?"

With hesitation I replied "He said  "I don't know""

My question still continues to be: To what degree does his I love you mean?



(And if you, "HIM" are reading this, I wrote this when I was angry. Don't take it too personally, I still love you)