"Alive"

I am ill informed on what it means to be "alive" 

I'm 17, the eldest child out of four, a senior in high school with a resume that only contains expierence in regards to heartbreak and share a car with my dad. 

I'm an athlete and a writer, sometimes an artist. I am an introvert, but sometimes I wonder what it's like to be popular. I change my crush every week, but at the end of the day I love the same boy.

I refer to myself as a narcissist, but I'm just learning to love myself. I'm late with my blog posts and I hate shaving my legs. I'm passive and I'm learning to be more aggressive, but I'm rarely passive aggressive. 

I won't take the time to straighten my hair, but I'll be late to school just to curl my hair and point my eyeliner. I took 4 years of Spanish but I say nothing more than "Bien" when asked "¿Como Estas?" and I really miss my Spanish class. 

I don't do crazy things, but I pretend I do. I only stay out 10 minutes past curfew and I feel like 1 am is a more suitable curfew. I go way over my data usuage because I like to listen to music while I drive and won't buy spotify premium.

And 

There's so much more to me, but I am Violet luster and I do not know what it means to be "alive"